The Blog is Back!

Well, it has been a good few months since I have written anything in my blog, for a number of reasons, mainly I have been busy busy busy with getting a house, moving house, getting ready for and enjoying Christmas and of course preparing for a baby!
I kept thinking I should write in my blog about this or that but somehow days turned to weeks and weeks to months... time has a habit of doing that don't you think?! So today I have made an effort to re-read all of my old posts and after feeling really sad about not being in Sicily where I obviously had a great time I remembered that I have been wanting to write so much lately because once again I have lots of happy thoughts to share!

So today I will do a quick catch up and in the following months I wll try and find time between baby things to keep up to date!

Well, I came back to Winlaton after a wonderful time in Catania and a fab holiday with Steph in Rome, Florence and Venice and found that getting a job while pregnant was virtually impossible in the current climate (I will try not to go into how much I HATE the ConDem government - how they seem to be trying to make me mad every week with news abut cuts that effect me!! aggghhh)so I have not been working at all since Italy, I was a bit stressed about it at first but as my pregnancy progressed it has been nice to have the opportunity to take it easy! So how have I survived, well mainly thanks to Stu! Stu has done everything I could ask and more to support me, emotionally and financially, he grew from my best friend in Catania to my best friend in the world. He has moved to the North East and after 2 months of saying with my Mam we move in to our own home together (just down the bank in Blaydon) and we have been busy sorting that out. Our house is so nice, really big and now we have got most of the things we need it is comfortable and I enjoy being here and looking after the house and Stu (I am much better at being a housewife than I had thought but I am not good at cleaning bathrooms!!!). The last room to be done was the nursery which is all but done now, just a few finishng touches needed. Stu is getting quite handy and has even been using power tools!( a bit scary at first but with supervision he is doing well!!!! hahaha)

I am now very pregnant, the baby is due this week, my due date is Sunday 23rd of January so I am counting down the days! I am feeling very excited and very scared (oh and very huge!!) I can't wait to meet my baby and to be a mam! Every day now I wake up and wonder if today is the day! I have had lots of moments where I think she is coming and it is nothing, maybe Braxton Hiks, and I am both relieved and dissapointed!
Pregnancy has been great, yes there are some bad points, heartburn, backache, emotions all over the place etc but I have really enjoyed it for the most part, it is so amazing to know there is a little person inside of you and from the first days when I felt movement I loved it, seeing and feeing little arms and feet move inside of you is quite freaky but really special and nothing I have experienced before can come close. That is why giving birth is so scary, not just the fear of pain but knowing that everything will change again, my body will change again but then every minute of my life will be full of a beautiful baby! So wonderful and we are so excited and ready, Stu is so cute, he will be great as a dad and I can't wait to see him holding our baby.

So next time I write I will hopefully have had my baby and can tell you about my experiences of motherhood (not of birth unless you really want to know!!!)
I have forgotten my sadness and am looking forward to his year with my own little family, and with my family and friends who have all been so supportive and helpful during the last few months, thanks everyone. Maybe I am not laughing as much as when I was in Italy but I am more content and have found a different kind of happiness. I love my family, Stu and I; now we are just waiting for our new addition to make us even more happy

The things I love in life...

I am feeling in a happy mood, loving everything, the sun is shinng and Stuart is coming to stay next week... I feel happy and as I was lying in bed last night I was thinking of things we take for granted that make us happy, I had planned to go feed the ducks with Mam and Tara today and those sort of things are just so simple and enjoyable and make us happy.

So, some things that make me happy (please note this list is not exhaustive and is subject to change at any time):

laughter - I like to laugh of course, we all do, there is some medical reason that when weare already happy and smiling and laughing it releases a chemical or something to make us happier, but I just do love laughing, and just as much, if not more I love the laughter of other people, in particular children. Oh babies gurgles and toddlers chuckles just make me so happy! And laughing so much you cry, that is the best... did that this morning actually as I was being chased by a butterfy!

bed - love my bed, I love being all snug and warm, I love being lazy! I love the various things that you can get up to in bed(with another person preferably!) I love being comfortable and feeling relaxed. Yes, bed is a great place and getting into your own bed after a holiay or something is just such a nice feeling, I love it!

food -mmmm,crisps, bread, cheese, cake, trifle.... the list could go on and on! OK we all love food, nothing weird or wonderful or exciting about that but I just have to put it on the list. I am not a person who eats to be happy, or to be comforted really but there is something about good food that just makes us happy. Also, love, love, love food programmes like Come in with Me, Masterchef and the Hairy Bikers... not as much as my stepdad who watches millions of food prgrammes (Nigella a fave, I wonder why!) but food leads to these funny programmes and especially now I am not working these programmes are a welcome distraction!

people - obviously I love my family and friends! But I love the crazy randomness of folk! I love to meet new people, talk to people from different places and culures and I love to people watch! A great hobby, I trained hard in the art of people watching in Greece and Italy and now feel at home watching people wherever I go! I love to look at what people wear, what they do and how they react to things! yes, nothing more entertaining than watching people (also why I love Come Dine with Me, jut as much about people as food if not more so!)

being pregnant (most of the time) - being pregnant so far is a pretty enjoable experience, somehing so new and different and each week something new is happening. I am finding out so much, about my body and my baby and it is fascinating.I am also just so excited about the end product of these nine months that even the bad parts, like heartburn, are fine because I know I am going to be a mammy in a few months and that just makes me happy and I love the thought of having a baby, someone to love and take care of. I also love the idea of being part of a family in a new way, as mammy with daddy Stu, we are maing plans and while some of it is stressful we are enjoying our journey. Stu will be such a wonderful dad and that too makes me SO happy, I can't wait to see it all happening. My mam will be a great grandma ( I mean a very good one)and I love thinking how lucky my baby is!

Well, there are lots more things that make me happy, writing this blog included but now I have to go.... love you xxx

I'm not just fat....

So I am getting my head around being pregnant a lot more now. I saw a midwife this week who let me listen to the heartbeat and although it mostly sounde like noise when tning a TV or Radio, eventually heard it and felt really happy. She told me I am normal which was great!!! I will hopefully feel the baby move in the next few weks, what a strange experience that will be, I know that it is real and there is a baby inside me, I am not just getting randomly fat, but I think feeling it as well as seeing on the screen and hearing it will make it better, more exciting and more real - and only slightly freaky and alien like!!!!

I have another scan in a few weeks and I kind of want to find out the sex, then I can say he/she instead of it. I don't know, I just think it will be nice to know and get used to baby boy or girl and focus a bit more BUT everyone, well almost everyone has said that I shouldn't find out the sex, I should wait and have a surprise... not sure, I think that we each have to make our choices. The only thing is that Stu isn't too keen on fining out, so maybe I will wait.. but I am so impatient! I don't mind if it is a boy or a girl, though me and Stu both have a feeling it is a girl - not sure why - but knowing would be great in my mind. I'll tell you what happens!

I am trying to find job but it is so hard, even if I wasn't pregnant it would be hard, there is a LOT of competition for every job out there and the good ones are all for 2 or 3 year contracts which would be perfect if I wasn't expecting...
I have been looking at temp work but even then I have heard nothing back from the 20+ jobs I have sent my CV to. Well, I am trying and that is all I can do, I am really doing well not getting too stressed about it (well had a few tears over it but that is to be expected!!!) as really ther is nothing I can do but keep applying. If I was an employer and 27 people applied for one job I wouldn't choose the pregnant one either so I have to be realistic and just go with the flow. I was trying hard not to worry about the future too much and I have to continue. Now there is more at stake, I NEED money for this baby but it is not as if I am destitute! Yet! So if anyone out there has any great work for me to do then let me know! All I ask is permission to go to the toilet - frequently!!!

I am having baby!!!!!!!

Well, I have not written for a while, mainly because I have known for about 2 months that I am pregnant (due Jauary 2011) and that is all I wanted to write about but I felt it was too soon to talk about it, and maybe listening to old wives tales you shouldn't tell until after 3 months, so, now I am 15 weeks pregnant and have had a scan which showed that everthing is OK with baby I feel I can talk abut it. Also I have been back in England and busy doing lots of things including looking for a job, catching up with family and friends and Stu came to visit then I went to visit his family in Margate too.

This news has had a huge effect on me, as you might guess, I have been worried, scared and excited but mainly I have felt happy. I know it is a huge, HUGE, lifechanging thing and I know it will be difficult at times (over the next 18 or more years!!!) but it is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced and the greatest feeling, knowing I will be a mammy! I am not sure about many things but I have always wanted chilren and this is a crazy and emotional time which I really want to enjoy as much as possible. The scan made it all so real, me and Stu were sat there looking at our baby, it was jumping around and looked so perfect, I was laughing so much as I just couldn't believe it, that the little person on the screen was inside of me, it is a strange feeling, I cant wait to feel it move so it is even more real.

I started this blog to remind myelf that I have happy things in my life, at a time when I was overwhelmed by sad thoughts and bad experiences and felt a bit lost and very alone. I realised pretty soon that I am NOT alone, I have an amazing family who are so good to me and so supportive of all I do. And I have great friends who I can talk to about everything and make me laugh so much. I feel now even more lucky for having these people in my life so they can now share in my new happiness and also help me out!!!! Now maybe my blog should change as I am not at risk of needing to forget anything, in fact now I want to remember eerything in more detail,record my new journey, we will see, maybe nobody will want to read the blog of nappies and crying! (though my emotions are supposed to be all over the place I haven't cried too much more than usual.... more than most people still though!!!)

Last week I met Stuart's family and they are really nice too, extra lucky there as could have been a bit weird, the first time they meet their sons new girlfriend she is already 3 and a bit months preggers! But I should have known that Stu was such a nice an genuine person because of his family. Stu has been great, maybe more worried abut some things than me (like money) and less interested in some thngs (like baby shoes) and a bit cringy when I talk about tearing and stitches..... hahaha!
He met my family too and it all went really well, he even managed to understand Geordie a few times, he will learn soon enough!

Yes, another blog where as I write I realise that while I am no millionaire, some things are much more important like people you love and who love you and in that I am rich!

Home Sweet Home

I have been away from my computer for a while now, first because I finished school and then went on a little holiday with Steph before coming home and then because I have been busy seeing people, washing clothes, unpacking and getting used to being back! Now I am here, hme in Winlaton and can relate to you my adventures getting here!

After school finished I spent some time at the beach and then Steph arrived in Catania, just in time to watch the England match (not the last one, we won't mention that!!!) and to catch some sun before a few cloudy days (me and Stuart both burnt but Steph didn't, typical!)
Then it was time to say goodbye to Catania and to my friends I am sorry to anyone I didn't see, it was all so sudden in the end it seemed! I had a few tears, saying bye to Luisa and Diana and of course Stuart were the worst, but I will see them all again so it was not too bad and not really goodbye!

Steph and I went to Rome first and spend a lovely few days being wowed by the sites, we had some rain but it coudn't spoil our time. Our hotel was lush and the ancient lift gave us a few laughs as well as scares! We took the open top bus to try and see as much as possible in our short time and it was really good fun, with lots of info and it made our legs happier too! Maybe best for me was the Coleseum, I have been before but it is majestic, even when full of tourists there is something of the past which hangs in the air and makes you stop and think of all that went on there, I loved it. Didn't love the theiving Gladiators outside who charged us a fortune for photos with them!!!!!

Then we were off to Florence, we left the rain behind and had glorious sunshine there and it was also the feast of San Giovanni (St John the Baptist) so we were lucky to see a fantastic fireworks display one evening.
We saw David, and the fake David and the bronze David, and we saw a LOT of churches! I loved the atmosphere, the narrow streets, the beautiful buildings, the lamps which rekindled my love of taking photos of lamps (started in Prague last year!)the river and the views of the city from the hill abouve. I loved it all.
A few crazy moments, first our room was on the third floor, up 6 flights of steps, nightmare! A man helped me carry my bag up and I just threw it down, much to Steph's amusement! Nothing broke!
There was the cape incident which I think will make me cry with laughter for years, but probably you had to be there... Steph had to cover her shoulders in a church and though the nice robe they gave her was a cape with a hood, then she found one arm hole, it has one arm she said, where is the other... on your head was my reply! Oh, you had to be there it was so funny, unfortunately no cameras in the church but the recreation in the hotel had us crying again! Oh Steph, thanks for that memory!

We only had a short time in each place and so it was off to our next destination which was Treviso for Venice, Davide (Luisa's brother) was kind enough to offer us a room in his appartment for our visit to Venice as Treviso is not far at all, it was great, he really looked after us and we had nice comfy beds and lovely shower...
We got the train to Venice and spent a lovely day there complete with a gondola ride (don't ask how expesive, it was worth it!!!) Definately a great exprience, greatvies and a cool breeze on a very hot day in Venice. We sampled our last ice-cream, I am going to miss Italian ice-cream (maybe I can find some here..)

Finally it was time to come home, only a little bit delayed and we got back to Winlaton at midnight after a KFC (left overs as they were technically closed when we stopped!!!) and I climbed into my own bed on Sunday night and fell fast asleep, excited for the mrning when I would see my family!

Now it is Tuesday and I have been settling back in nicely, almost feels like I have never been away now.... Not quite sure what the next move is, need a bit of time to decide, but I am sure there will be more adventures coming soon!!!!

some random thoughts!

I have so much to say but I can't say any of it yet, I am full of so many emotions I want to spill them out onto this page and maybe then they will make sense, but not yet!

I have only 2 weeks left in Catania and I am sorry to say (to my Italian friends) that I am glad it is almost time to go home. While I have thoroughly enjoyed my time here, I am ready to go home.
I am starting to miss things now, I want to eat Walkers crisps and Warburtons bread (hope I can advertise on here!!!) and of course, much more importantly I want to see 'me mam'! and Aunty Janet, Tara, Louise and her bump, Kath, Rich and William (not so much Eric - sorry) and Phil! ALL of my family and friends who I have not seen now for so many months.
I know it will not be hot (I can cope with a drop from 40 degrees) and I know I won't be able to do some of the things I love doing here, I know I will miss some people I have met here (but I know I can't get rid of you so that is good!!!), but, although I really love to travel, I love home too!

I am looking forward to the future with a new perspective which I have found here in Sunny Sicily, with the help of Stuart. And hopefully my new future will not be without him. Stuart has made my stay here more than memorable and I want to thank him, though I have thanked him a few times already, for being the wonderful, genuine, kind and caring person that he is, for making me laugh, putting up with me crying and generally being the best friend a girl could have wished to find here! Hope you read this and blush Mr Fassam!!!

Back to work for another afternoon of crazy Italian fun with my classes!
XXX

the search for the future has begun

So, I have started to really think about what happens after Catania, these last few months have been so wonderful in so many ways but I know that this fun time must end soon, in fact in only 4 weeks time!

I have been looking for jobs, which is a nightmare as I am still totally torn between travelling more and going home!
I have had two interviews, one for the sunny Maldives and one for sunny Scarborough! Not too different really except one is on the equator.
I have also been applying for other things, trying to keep my options open!

I have also started to get into exam mode for the end of term, my students are all feeling a bit stressed now and we really have to work hard to make sure we give them as much practice as possible so been really busy with that, though I have no students who I am terrified will fail their test! I want them all to do well and to succeed in their futures, I want to help them pass and then they too can move on to bigger better things.

What will the future hold for me? I know that I want to continue to be happy as I am now, I want to pursue things which are interesting, inspiring and exciting and never settle for things. I know I want to keep in touch with all of my wonderful friends from around the world as they have the power to make me smile and keep me laughing.

I know now that I have been untrue to myself in the past and it has led to nothing but pain and heartbreak, I know I can be better to myself and to others and only in this way can I be happy and that is my plan for the future, wherevever I go and whoever I meet along the way.

I hope you will all stay with me on this journey.... until next time x